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You know when they say that fear does not exist? Fear is just insecurity of your mind about something that you ought to have negativity thoughts about. Fear, worries, and all that sort of shit that we will eventually be facing. Its okay to have negativity thoughts at times, you don't get broken easily that way because you already expected things to happen even when you don't want them to. Being positive all the time for me is just putting on a huge mask expecting everyone you know actually falls for your fake smile. Broken, bleeding? All sealed.

You choose the feelings you deserve and yet does it overtakes the real you?

I fear things. I fear positive things. A phrase that we all call " HAPPY". Can you believe that? i fear being happy because I have been through tough shits that I don't think that the feeling would happen again. I could be happy this morning and dead devastated as the night comes. Am I really happy? Or there's still something hidden in me? Some call it spilt-personality, but no...I'm still me, cause this is the real me. I considered myself having a spilt personality if I were to be happy all the time. Which will be insane as I don't know how to be one. 

For example, you're sitting on the bench in the park and a girl comes to you with an ice-cream in her hand. She's being so so happy that she bought her own ice cream using her own pocket money. But she didn't lick it, nor did she taste it. She just let it drip slowly down her hand just so she would have the thought of actually having an ice cream in her hand for 15 minutes till the ice cream starts to melt like crazy. Comparing if she eats it in 7 minutes.She just wants to be happy a little longer. That's how I feel. 

Happiness is different for each and everyone of us. The things that matters most are the things that fears us of feeling a little too lucky.